Starting Over

Here I am...thirty years old...starting over. The last few days I have been overcome with thoughts, feelings, and apprehension. What am I doing? Can I make my way? Will I do a good job? Will they like me here? I feel like a kid again starting a new school again...well I guess I king of am.

Well Friday was the districts kick-off to a new school year. It was at the First Baptist Church where I have gone time and time again for Bryan ISD's convocation. This time as I approached the massive church, I was lost. I didn't know anyone and I saw masses of people. I found a few ladies who were wearing the same shirt as me and followed them in. They didn't know me and I didn't know them, but we had the same shirt on so I was going to follow them. A few people greeted me here and there and welcomed me to the campus. I was looking for a couple of my friends that were from Branch but couldn't find them. Then, finally someone I knew! A sense of relief flooded me. I wasn't alone in the district...I had a friend. Isn't weird that even at thirty years old, we still need that reassurance of community and friends. I really needed it, because I was in very familiar surroundings but my friends were no where to be found. I felt very alone.

I enjoyed the kick-off and left with that renewed sense of purpose and determination in my profession. I love that beginning of the school year spirit. The spirit feels your heart with love and guidance and you are so ready to take on the world. I could feel it and I was pumped once again.

Thirty minutes later after finally getting out of the parking lot, I made it back to my campus and met in the cafeteria for our first faculty meeting. It was overwhelming. We have a very large faculty! I was thinking how we used to scrunch into the Library at Branch...and i was looking out at about double the people I was used to seeing. The purpose of our meeting was to meet and greet. I got to stand up in front of all of the curious faces and smile. Then we were to go around and aquaint ourselves. Everyone got up and began hugging their comrades and chatting about their summers. I made it around to a few people to make those awkward first introductions...wondering if that person would be a lifelong friend like I had made at Branch. I know...pity party time...It just made me really miss my friends.

Things are definitely different on my new campus...but it doesn't bother me so much. I can learn new approaches...I can teach anything. I can use different systems, new grade books, and lesson plans. I guess my biggest worry at this point is if I will make those connections. Will I know this school inside and out? Will I be successful? Will I find my crowd? I want so badly for this to all work. I want to be apart of this school like I was at Branch. I want this to be my new home.